Seven Essentials for a Modest, Feminine Wardrobe

So, you want to dress modestly and femininely, but sometimes, it seems to be an absolutely feat that could never be accomplished in a million years.  There are so many different things to consider! you bewail.  Length, thickness, design-and though you want to be modest...you dread looking like a frump.  Does this mean you will have to wear flour-sack aprons (hey, I happen to think those are cute and wish they were still a thing!)?  Does it mean that you can't wear any trends or styles that you like?  This is such a scary, intimidating, hopeless thing! you shake your head mournfully.  

My friend, building (and wearing) a modest, feminine wardrobe is a journey.  There are things that you learn and pickup as time trudges on, and some things that work for others don't necessarily work for all of us.  Sometimes we only learn what works from experience.  There are a lot of things to consider-your height, your body type, the availability of modest clothing that you have access to.  And though it may, at times, be absolutely daunting, all is not hopeless.  

One of my greatest desires with this blog is to help you learn how to dress your body in such a way that you are comfortable enough to completely forget about it so that you can fill your mind with helping and serving others in your sphere of influence.  Can you really do that?  you might wonder.  Maybe not completely-but to enough of an extent that it's not on the forefront of your mind :)

Obviously we can't accomplish all of that from one simple blog post, so I invite you to come back often as I share more of what I have been learning in how to live this modest, feminine lifestyle.

So, without further ado, let's get to it!

Seven Essentials for a Modest, Feminine Wardrobe

1. Some Lovely Lace

A lovely, lacy undershirt, to be more specific and exact.  An undershirt is an absolute must, and something that I have only recently understood the importance of within the last year.  Honestly, it wasn't something that I really gave a lot of thought to!  However, since reading my sweet sister-in-love Rebekah's eBook, (which you can find and follow at  www.moreradiance.com , which I really, highly recommend!) concerning modesty, it is something that I have been made aware of that needed to be more of a priority in my life.  

I love wearing white and pretty pastel colours, and often this means see-through.  Add the soft, chiffony, or lacey textures, and you have a virtual catastrophe on your hands!  Maybe your wardrobe features more practical colours and materials than mine does, but an undershirt is still an important essential to consider every morning when you get dressed for the day:  Am I wearing a button-up?  Will it gap?  What activities will I be doing?  Is there a chance I could accidentally flash some skin if I raise my arms?  What about when I sit or bend down?  Play it safe-always better safe than sorry-and wear an undershirt.

It doesn't have to be super thick-I know, I hate bunchy clothing, too!  Which is one of the reasons that I love tanks.  There is a variety of strap width to choose from depending on your top layer, and they don't add a lot of extra fabric to make you uncomfortable or look bunchy.  I prefer thinner fabrics for my day-to-day tanks, and really like pretty ones that sport some feminine lace, especially if I don't want to tuck it in.  Maybe you will want to tuck your undershirt in, that means it needs to be long enough that it doesn't come untucked through your movements during the day.  There is nothing more annoying than having to escape from a situation to tuck an undershirt in again, perhaps repeatedly, so do yourself a favour and try before you buy.  Sit, bend, and stretch, and make sure it stays where it is supposed to!  

2.  A Minimum Length Skirt

This is something that is between you, the Lord, and any authorities that He has placed in your life.  For me, a minimum length skirt MUST reach to at least my knees.  Not two inches above.  No matter how cute the skirt or dress is.  For some, it is at least below the knee or mid-calf.  Like I said above-that is a matter of personal conviction and following the standards of your authorities.

How can you find out what length of skirt this is for you?  Obviously, the first thing you need to do is find out what length is okay with your parents, husband, or authority.  Once you have that crucial bit of information, go through your closet-have a mini fashion show between you and the mirror.  Are you comfortable with those skirts?  Do you like the styles, or do you think that a different cut or design would be more flattering?  Is it loose enough?  Can you walk without everything being exposed?  What about when you sit down?  I prefer to have my knees covered when I sit down, and maybe you would, also.  If it doesn't make the cut-be ruthless:  It has to go.  It serves no purpose sitting in your closet taking up space that something practical that does work could fill.  If you really love it...is there a way to make it more modest?  Can you add a block of colour to the bottom?  How about some lace?  I love skirt extenders-but more on them below 😉

You might wonder why do I cut it so close?  Shouldn't I be extremely vigilant and careful?  I try to be.  But, like I just mentioned above about authorities, my husband doesn't generally like super long or mid-calf length skirts, most of the time.  He doesn't make much of a fuss about what I choose to wear, so this is an area of my dress that I can definitely choose to honour him in because he has made this preference known to me.  Moore importantly, it doesn't contradict my own personal convictions or go against what the Lord has shown me, because God is my ultimate authority.  Knee-length is a good length for me because I am on the smaller, shorter side, which makes finding modest skirts difficult to say the least.  Anymore I am trying to stick to 'short-er' midi skirts, and have hubby's approval in that regard. 

3. The Good Ol' Skirt Extender

Skirt extenders can be a life saver for the modest girl!  I can't tell you how many times I've tried on a dress that looked like it reached at least to my knees or below in the dressing room, but was in fact above!  How can this be?!  It's all about perspective, my friend:  dressing rooms are usually tight, compact little squares with a mirror that you look down at, not across from.  This can make a skirt or dress appear to be longer than it actually is.

Rather than return all of the dresses and skirts that I had experienced this mishap with (as well as my standards tightening up, over the years), I decided to get crafty and make myself a skirt extender.  Can I be honest?  I love it!  It is as simple and easy as wearing a slip, but looks so feminine and chic.  I actually did take an old slip and added a few layers of lace from a dress that I loved but was too short.  I had worn it over a longer white dress before, but didn't love the way it looked, and so it sat in my closet for over two years, unworn since its initial use.  I was happy to be able to put it to good use, and now get to enjoy its loveliness more often even than if the original dress had met the needed length requirements!

Something else that I also do is use my cute, frilly Lauren Conrad pencil skirt for a skirt extender of a sleeker cut when I don't have a lot of room for flare or volume.  The fact that it pulls double duty and multitasks makes it a valuable asset in my wardrobe!

4.  A Slip of a Thing

You might laugh at a recent slip mishap I experienced recently:  I was wearing a light coloured dress, with a slip, that I had worn to a friend's wedding earlier this summer without any problems.  This last time I wore it, however, I didn't factor in the colour of something else, and didn't see my fashion faux pas until it was FAR.TOO.LATE!  What was a girl to do?  I had abided by the slip laws-how could this have happened to me?!  Thankfully, a sovereign God had intervened in many ways that day and has blessed me with an incredible friend that swooped in to the rescue and saved the day-and my dignity-in an act of sacrifice that I will never forget.  I have since learned my lesson (and am in the process of adding a double layer to that dress skirt), and have moved my dressing room to a better-lit room of the house.  I know that this is a luxury that probably most people don't have, and that's okay.  You can always ask someone to check for you (my husband was still sleeping at that point, or I would have checked with him).

My word to the wise?  Make sure the colour underneath is NOT darker than the actual colour that you're wearing.  And maybe wear two slips if you're not sure 😉

5.  Become a Cover-Up Queen

Over the course of time, I have developed the habit of bringing a cardigan or a light jacket with me most places, even in the summer and warmer weather.  This serves a dual purpose:  because air conditioning, and to cover up wayward clothing.  I use body tape. I use safety pins.  And still my straps work their way into visibility!  This is both frustrating and embarrassing, but can be easily cured with the covering of a cardigan.  The secret is to bring a super versatile, neutral one that you know can handle the job (a.k.a., doesn't have a wider neckline itself, and can cover up curious straps of any sort).

6.  Lady-Friends

I think you know what I'm talking about...The humble bra.  If this is something that you are uncomfortable reading about, then please feel free so skim down to the next section-I totally understand and don't want to make this awkward for anyone.  But, it is an important aspect of modesty and something that needs addressed.  Also, if you're unsure but keep reading, you'll feel better about yourself after reading some of my difficulties and experiences-promise ❤

When purchasing a brazier, make sure it has adequate padding, that it is a fairly neutral colour (nude or light grey are really good examples), and that it is comfortable.  You are doing your modest self no favours if you are constantly having to readjust or reposition something that is supposed to be a secret.  They can be fun.  They can be pretty.  But make sure that they are useful and functional.

Also-a word to the wise:  If you are in the market for a bra, do yourself a favour and don't skimp on the quality.  The last thing you need is a broken strap or padding that doesn't measure up to what you are needing it to do.  Again-I have learned the hard way, and want to save you the hassle and the embarrassment.  I own only Victoria's Secret bras because I have had really great success with them.  That is not to say that there are not other great brands with great quality pieces that you could maybe even find at a better deal, this is just what I have found to work for me.

I also buy them only on sale, on eBay, or a website called Mercari so that I don't have to shell out for their crazy obnoxious price tags.  I don't know what meets your needs or your budget, but make sure you invest in something worthwhile that will serve its purpose, otherwise you are literally (that means "in so many words") doling out money to deal with irritation.  It is worth it to spend a little more on something that you can rely on than resort to the cheap...and get what you pay for.  

A $3.00 bra is not qual, ladies, it just isn't.  Because one Sunday when you're singing in church your husband might lean over and whisper, "Honey, did you forget to wear a...ahem...today?"  And you might look down and freeze up in humiliation and try not to rush out to the restroom to repair the damages all the while hoping that no one else witnessed what your husband saw and mercifully pointed out.  Save yourself the grief.  Save yourself the utter humiliation.  It works for poor college kids, it does.  But once you have a non-broke-college-kid budget...use it. If you have the ability to get even just ONE reliable bra-DO IT.  

(Disclaimer:  I can bash on the three dollar bras and being a poor college kid because I was one.  I did that.  I wore those.  I lived on 29 cent ramen noodles and jars of peanut butter...I walked that road and ate those things and I wore those things...but you won't catch me doing it again as long as I can help it).

7.  A Smile

I am serious.  I could have titled this post "Six Essentials for a Modest, Feminine Wardrobe."  It would have flowed.  It would have worked.  But the number 7?  It is the number of completion.  And so is a smile.  Remember what you learned from Little Orphan Annie and never forget that "You are Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile."  Smiles are contagious, and there is no other smile in the world like yours.  It doesn't matter if you don't like it.  If you don't think you have perfectly straight or white teeth.  As long as you practice proper hygiene (which I hope we can all say we do), a smile is the most attractive thing about a person.  They are free and endless and possess the power to completely change your's and someone else's day.  So-do yourself and everyone else a favour, and never forget your smile.  And if I'm missing mine, then feel free to give me yours ❤

I hope that this list, as well as my personal experiences, have given you at least some ideas of where to start and why it is important to start taking a look at modest living. There are many more factors that we could consider when looking at the necessary essentials for a modest, feminine wardrobe, but I think that these seven are fairly basic and really important.  Let me know if you have any other holy-grail modest-wear, and I will be sure to share (if you would like-let me know along with your comment) the information on Instagram.  You don't have to share an embarrassing stories...I'll keep them coming for years!  But hey-it's fun to laugh right?  Just make sure to laugh with me sometimes, and not only, always at me 😉

In This Modest Journey Together,

Ani